An experienced abuser is a master manipulator. From the beginning of your relationship with them, they’ll know what to do and say to charm you and gain your trust. We’re not suggesting it’s premeditated (although it could be). But it is the way they navigate the world.
Relationships with abusers can move very fast as they romance you and make you feel like the most important person in their life. You may even hear them say things like:
I’m happy for you to go out with your friends but I’m disappointed I won’t be able to spend time with you tonight.
You saw your family recently and it seems like we don’t spend much time together. Couldn’t you visit them another time?
It’s comments like these that start isolating you from your friends and family – the people who are most likely to criticise your future abuser’s behaviour. And so it goes on until one day you realise you are living in an abusive relationship and you wonder how or when it happened.
But the biggest question you’ll be asking yourself is What do I do now?
We suggest your first step should be to go to our Resources page to do some private research. Then, when you are ready, we recommend talking to trusted friends, family, a counsellor or one of the amazing domestic violence support services in your local area. In fact, you may want to do all of these things.
It may seem scary or uncomfortable to start talking to people about your situation. But living in an abusive relationship is already scary and uncomfortable. By asking for help and talking about your circumstances, you are making big, positive steps to regaining control of your life. And I promise you, it’s totally worth feeling scared or uncomfortable.
Escape to Better Foundation is a safe place to begin working out what you want to do in a highly confidential, online environment. We offer both free and moderately priced resources. To start creating a life that you control, visit our Resources page here. If you don’t feel safe using your own devices, we suggest you use the computers at your local library.
