Wherever you live, summer is usually the time for catching up with friends and family. That makes it the perfect time to check that everything is ok.

You may think we look for signs of domestic violence everywhere. The problem is, it’s a really prevalent problem. While the 2025 figures haven’t come out at the time of writing, we know that in 2023–24, 46 women and 9 men were killed by their intimate partner, and 6 children were killed by a parent (Miles and Bricknell 2025).

We also know through the expertise of the Australian Institute of Health and Welfare,

• 1 in 4 women and 1 in 7 men have experienced emotional abuse
• 1 in 6 women and 1 in 13 men have experienced financial abuse
• 1 in 6 women and 1 in 18 men have experienced physical abuse

With those sorts of numbers, it’s likely you know someone who has, are or will experience domestic violence or intimate partner abuse.

So what are some of the warning signs that someone is experiencing domestic violence or intimate partner abuse?

1. Notice who is missing from catch-ups with family and friends

One of the most obvious signs of potential abuse is noticing who is missing from catchups with family and friends. If they usually attended in the past and now they don’t, you need to ask why. Restricting access to family and friends is one of the first stages of domestic and family violence. The reasons for the absence may be couched in loving terms but the underlying cause is the desire to isolate and control another person.

2. Constant glances at their partner

Abusers are masters of a ‘look’ that has the power to intimidate their victim from a distance. As a result, they don’t need to be standing near their partner to control them. So watch out for constant glances at their partner. Victims will be checking for approval from their partner while abusers will be monitoring their victim to control their behaviour.

3. Silence

Look for changes in behaviour. For example, if you are speaking with someone who suddenly becomes silent when their partner appears, it’s a sign they feel threatened, intimidated or fearful of their partner. The longer the silence continues, the more concerned you should be.

4. Body language

Often associated with silence, it’s common for victims of abuse and domestic violence to step back from a group and even look smaller when their abuser joins a conversation group. Again, this type of body language is a sure sign you need to be concerned for you friend or family member.

What should you do if you suspect someone you know is experiencing domestic violence?

Every situation is different and it might depend on how close you are to the person you suspect is experiencing abuse. You also need to be mindful that drawing attention to your suspicions could make the situation worse for the victim.

Start by asking if everything is ok followed by the behaviour you saw, such as “I noticed you became very quiet when [insert name] joined our conversation earlier. Is everything ok?”

At this point, you can expect to be told that everything is ok so follow that up with a comment like, “I’m glad everything is fine but I want you to know I’m always available if you need help or someone to talk to.” You might even like to arrange a time for a coffee or lunch in a couple of weeks’ time to keep the door open for further conversations. It will also give you an opportunity to discreetly monitor if your concerns are correct.

For more advice on what to do if someone tells you they are living in an abusive relationship, download our Guide for Friends and Family here.